Monday, February 28, 2011

Thursday, February 24, 2011

No, I won't consider today a good day. Breakfast was good enough, I had my Chee Cheong Fan with my mum and dad. Coming to work was good enough (except for this lady in a blue Atos who honked me because she wouldn't let me cut into her lane, I suppose I deserved it even though I signaled). I opened my Outlook and the e-mails were tame enough. I almost fell asleep (actually I did fall asleep) during a meeting, but it was okay, I pretended that nobody saw. That was fine enough.

Then at eleven a.m., I headed to the gym. I put on my socks and was rummaging through my bag for my shorts when I realized that I brought two shirts instead. I believe I laughed out loud at my stupidity.

Miffed, I trudged back to my cubicle, where all of a sudden I was inundated by a tsunami of nostalgia. Yes, I must delete nostalgic e-mails. I must.

Now I'm drawing a bloody complicated diagram for work, with this stupid song by Good Charlotte blasting in my head. Silly thing is, I refuse to listen to or think of any other song. And I really should get back to work.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Lying spread-eagle on my bed, I remember something I used to do as a kid. I used to lie down stock still, eyes open and unblinking and fixed at a spot, pretending that I was dead. Then I'd lie there and wait for someone to pass by and notice. By the time anyone did, my eyes were red and dry and my limbs were already aching. I don't know what I tried to achieve back then. Probably a cheap shot at attention. Maybe I was practicing to be an actress, or a professional cadaver. I was a pretty morbid child, I think.
You know, I should really get rid of mementos from past relationships and non-relationships (the ones that almost materialized but we spoke too soon of the end). I do throw out a lot of things, texts, e-mails, chat histories, but there are still remnants that I ought to SHIFT+Delete. Some of them are old enough for me to feel anything except a tinge of nostalgia. Some of them are pretty recent but I wasn't that in love to feel anything except a tinge of nostalgia. Some of them are old enough but I still get knots in my tummy, breathing in shadows. Some of them are quite recent and I get knots in my tummy, shrapnel under my skin.

Decisions can suck sometimes.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Yesterday night, a cockroach which I shall name Darcy appeared in my bathroom whilst I was about to take a shower.

Naturally, I screamed for my mom to kill it, but by the time she arrived, Darcy had already scooted to safety. Perturbed and disgusted, I took my shower anyhow, eyes always on the floor just in case Darcy decides that he needs a shower as well. He never showed, thankfully.

Later on, my mom went to use the bathroom, and after that she told me that she had successfully managed to kill Darcy. I was skeptical. I told her, I didn't believe her, she was saying it just to make me feel better. She asked me if I didn't hear the whopping sounds of a roll of newspaper continuously hitting the floor (because cockroaches are so goddamn hard to kill), I said no. She said well she kilt it anyway and flushed it down the toilet. I was still skeptical.

Darcy might still be alive. You know how they never really die. How about Darcy's 289 wives and 5000 children? They're all there, waiting, watching. One of these days, as I sit down on the toilet bowl, they might just jump out and greet me, ultimately causing me to make a mess of myself.

Note: Whilst googling cockroach images, I had to hold back my vomit. NEVER google images of cockroaches. Brrr. You've been warned.

Friday, February 11, 2011

I am capable of listening to the same song over and over and over and over and over again, yes I am.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I could go to a mall in my home clothes aka pyjamas. Here's proof:

That was about five years ago, and we went to Red Box. And I could still do it now. Matter of fact, I just did it last week. The trick is to pray really, really hard that you don't bump into anyone you know. Also, profusely keeping one's head down helps to avoid stares. I could go anywhere in my pyjamas, really.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

All these years of frying, steaming, and marinating fish, and I never knew that I was consuming something that was mind-altering.

Methinks the writer took some mind-altering substances before he wrote that.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I reckon that I've got a very bizarre sense of humor. For example, I just laughed out loud at this line from Rankin's Retromancer:

"Achtung! Achtung! Achtung!"
"What is all this achtunging?"

And I laughed so loud it made my mother turn and look at me strangely, for the TV was on and what was showing wasn't in the least funny (it was a Korean talk show and I understand jackshit Korean). So I guess that the older I get, the stranger my behavior becomes. Laughing at not-very-funny-things, being averse to door handles, being obstinate about using the online banking service to pay my credit card bill. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Some movies, watched under certain circumstances, make you feel like sitting down and reflect on life.

I woke up after one p.m. today, and by the time I ate and took a shower and finished farming on facebook (whatever), it was already three p.m. So, remembering that I downloaded The Painted Veil (which I read before I watched it almost five years ago), I decided to watch it. I remember the book was somewhat different from the movie, not romantic at all, but it was a good read nonetheless. The movie had much more romance, and with the soundtrack and the brilliant acting, by the time it ended I was crying. And it's the type of movie which makes you hate the ending because you fell in love with the characters, and it had to end tragically.

So yeah, it made me feel somewhat emotional and depressed. After watching the movie, I came out of my room. This was about five p.m. and the house was dark because nobody had bothered to turn on the lights. The sun was setting, plus it was rather cloudy outside, so there was this melancholic feel to it. To add to that, it's CNY season, and I always feel melancholic during this time of the year.

So some movies make me want to reflect on life. If I could be arsed, I would of driven to the beach and sat down by my onesies. But I'm ageing, therefore I'm getting lazier, so I'll just sit at the swing on my porch. That would suffice.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

So yeah I'm sitting here wondering why I'm alone, listening to stupid sad songs, a bit of wine and more beer waiting for me. 26 this year, each passing day reminds me of how dear life is. I just want to quit everything and go pick apples in a place where they grow them. New Zealand, maybe. Maybe I watch too many movies, maybe I read too many books, on one hand I am comfortable where I am, and on the other I feel that life is too short for trivialities.

I could pick apples for half a year, then move to another country and be a fisherman for another half a year. Somehow, I don't know which movie or book it was (could have been the one that starred Julianne Moore, Shipping News or something, I'm too lazy to google it), I've always wanted to be a fisherman in Newfoundland or Norway.

And I'm thinking to myself, 2011 started off with such a bang, all that travelling, why the sudden let go of steam? Fucking hormones.