Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I correct myself. I eat a lot of rice when the dishes are good. I can go up to 3 bowls, and my highest achievement was 5 bowls back in secondary school. The food was very good.
So yeah, I tend to overeat. When I'm in the mood, I can stuff myself with crisps, fruits, chocolates, biscuits. Thing is, my digestive system is getting lousier by the year. Too much of something tends to give me the runs. Today I had 2 packets of instant miso soup (just 2!!) and that gave me a hell of of a run. I have a feeling that I will need to go to the toilet for the fourth time today after I post this, so I'll make it quick.
Conclusion: I'm not going to cut down on my seasonal overeating, especially at work, because my office has clean toilets.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I was going to the pantry. There was a woman in my path coming my way, so I stepped to the left. She stepped to her right. We ended up in each other's paths again. So I stepped to my right, and she stepped to her left. Holy cow. Still in each other's paths, I stepped to my left, thinking 'This is fucking retarded.' She stepped to her right and voila, I'm still fuckin' vis-a-vis with her. This happened till we started doing the cha-cha-cha.
Actually after some more idiotic side stepping, we just ended up being nose to nose to each other, when I finally stood still and let her inch past me.
In retrospect, it was funny. If she had been Dave Grohl I'd just of covered myself in the nastiest glue you can find and walked right into him. Alas, she wasn't, so all we did was a impromptu version of the cha-cha-cha.
Next time something like that happens, I'm just gonna fart a huge one and let her do the side-stepping.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Let me predict my future. Three years from now. It’d be the year of the Ox again. I’ll be 24, graduated, old, penniless and probably single (being optimistic) .. If things go as planned, I’ll be in Kay-el, trying to make a living through writing. Preferably creative writing, but a writer’s gotta whore herself sometimes. By jove, I might even end up working for some beauty magazine. Or even become a teacher, god forbid. But let’s stick to idealistic dreams, shall we. A freelance writer. Maybe have a little weekly column. Too ambitious. A bi-weekly column. Publish a short story or two in some obscure short story compilation. Write a script and get it produced.
I don’t know what else. Would I still be able to hang out with the same friends? Highly impossible, isn’t it. This blog, by then, would probably have been abandoned some time back. Friendster would be defunct, just like ICQ. This laptop that I’m typing on would surely have become shit-fodder.
Would I look back and think, man, my 21st was crazy. What the hell was I thinking? Would I remember all those people I loved and lost, would I remember them with the same fervour as I do now? Would I fester and rot in those memories or would they have, as is natural with me, gone with the next train? I’m so full of contradictions, it pains me. It really does.
Three years isn’t very long, but boy is it unimaginable, to an extent. People would have come and gone and come again and gone back to wherever people go. But I’ll still be around. Look me up, you’ll find me. If you still know who I am, that is. You go, ‘Yeah, that crazy girl who laughs too loud and wears flip flops and has incorrigible habits. What’s her name again? What is her goddamned name again?’
I still laugh too loud and wear flip flops though. Some things never change I guess.
Boy was it a crazy 21.
Some exes are total assholes. They spread rumours about you. Call you names. Shit like that. They are also known as the Poonani ex.
Some exes are half assholes. After breaking up, they just want to get in your pants again when his next girl just isn't that good enough in bed. They still talk to you nicely, play on your heartstrings, say they still have feelings for you, but you know exactly what it is that they want. They are also known as the Sexual Predator ex.
Some exes are nice assholes. They randomly chat with you to check if you're living in tremendous hell because you broke it off with them. They are also known as the Ulterior Motive ex.
Some exes aren't assholes at all. After breaking up, they leave you alone, smile and say hi when they bump into you, but relatively keep their distance. They are known as the Outer Limits ex.
Some exes are really nice people. After breaking up, you're still great friends with them. Unfortunately, none of my exes really want to have anything to do with me, except for ***. However, he's classified under the Sexual Predator ex, and I should keep my distance. Therefore, I'll call these nice exes the Non-Existant ex.
"What if my ex says..." What would I answer in return?!!
So I decided to do it based on one of my exes I dislike.
1. What if my ex says "Why did you let me go?"
Coz you're fat and ugly and I was bored and myopic.
2. What if my ex says "I still love you..."
You can start a fan club.
3. What if my ex says "When did we last talk?"
That day, when you saw me with another guy.
4. What if my ex says "Will you go out with me?"
My eyesight's better now thank you.
5. What if my ex says "Do you still love me?"
Your butt had stretch marks. Are they still there?
6. What if my ex says "I cannot keep my promise to you"
Coming from you, it's nothing new.
7. What if my ex says "My friends say we don't look good together"
Like I said, you're fat and ugly. Even a llama looks better next to you.
Note: I apologize to all llama lovers out there. Llamas are incredible creatures. They spit.
8. What if my ex says "You have changed!"
9. What if my ex says "Can we get back together?"
The day you take a gulp of my fart in your mouth and swallow it. The thought of your bulging mouth might soften my heart.
10. What if my ex says "Oh, I know what this is all about. You found someone else."
Actually, I did.
11. What if my ex says "Don't you realize? You are the one who hurt me!"
Fine then, start a hate club.
12. What if my ex says "How can you forget our memories?"
You weren't that memorable.
13. What if my ex says "I will always love you"
My dog lays eggs.
14. What if my ex says "Would you die for our love?"
Ima put a restraining order on you, mang.
15. What if my ex says "You jump, I jump...Remember?"
Oh you can go ahead and jump all you want. In a straight jacket. Behind padded cells. Careful, now.
16. What if my ex says "Kiss me to break the curse if I sleep for a hundred years"
17. What if my ex says "What's the difference between me and you?"
I'm the person who shits. You're the shit coming out of my arse.
18. What if my ex says "I saw you last night with your boyfriend."
Why didn't you say hi?
19. What if my ex says "Without me, your life wouldn't be complete"
Eh don't so thick-skinned can or not you whore?
20. What if my ex says "Why are you doing this to me!"
Because I can, bitch.