Thursday, February 23, 2012

On the mother of all dream quotes

As he lay with his head on my lap, hurt eyes looking up at mine, he said, "I don't mind if you fool around, as long as (you don't let me find out)."

Brain, why you give me weird, vivid dreams.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

On my bed (Y U NO PUN)

I have realized that it was not the banality of William Boyd's Restless that constantly made me doze off. It's my bed. Today I tried reading Stephen King's Gunslinger whilst lying on my bed, and promptly fell asleep. Me, falling asleep reading Stephen King. That's like fish walking on land.

Wait, what, they do?

Oh damn.

Me, falling asleep reading Stephen King. That's like ... something unimaginable anyhow.

I think my bed is packed with, well, germs, definitely, but I prefer to think that it's packed with a load of sleeping powder. You lie on it and BAM you're under. The very thought of it actually makes me drowsy. And it's just me. This bed and I, we have a very special relationship, alcohol notwithstanding.

This has been a post written by someone who is neither here nor there.

Friday, February 10, 2012

On opening a Malaysian pub

Because there are simply too many German/Irish shit pubs in Penang.

My partner and I will call it BUBBA CHILLS. It will be at Kelawai Road, right next to Gurney Paraporn. Well, somewhere near that vicinity anyhow.

It will have records of classic 60's and 70's bands/singers all over, and it will play the funkiest tunes of the hey-days of rock. If anyone wants, and if they don't play shit music, they can play live at BUBBA CHILLS.

Smoking will be allowed. Matter of fact, it will be an absolute must.

There won't be peanuts served, but prawn crackers. Less messy.

We will serve good old pub food. BUBBA GRILLS. None of the inedible spaghettis and whatnot. We will serve steak, bloody and true, with a good serving of chips. We will serve Ramli burgers for just twice the price. Fish and chips, none of that Dory shit. We will serve you fish from the market if we have to!

Partner has requested for desserts. BUBBA DESSERTS. Doesn't exactly rhyme, but I haven't come up with one yet. Best I've got right now is BUBBA MEALS. For lunch, you know. Pretty neat.

And our beer will be inexpensive. None of the unpronounceable German stuff. We will serve you manly beer! Tiger! Anchor! And if possible, Buds and Red Stripes and Fosters. If you want expensive beer, go somewhere else. We just aim to get you tipsy and happy.

Now all we need are investors. Call me.

On waitressing part two

Yesterday was a bad night for me. I was daydreaming most of my shift, I couldn't concentrate, and for all the run-in sentences in the world, my nose was giving me a bitch of a time ('flu). My senior was upset with me because he had to take some orders from my table, I had no idea what 'chow mein' was, and I took orders from diners who were halfway through their starters. Not very polite.

But things improved in the end. They had to, otherwise why did someone tip me personally? And before you can say 'because you're female,' there were other waitresses there as well. Maybe it was the refill of tap water, or my insistence that they needed another bottle of J20. I don't know, all I know was that I was behind the bar drying glasses when they were leaving, and the guy just shoved some money in my face. Really. He just waved his fist full of change in front of me, and at first I had no clue what was going on, till he said, "Take it." Embarrassed much, because my bosses and my senior were watching. Oh, the teasing afterwards. Best thing was, the tipper was Chinese, and we all know how stingy we can get.

Ego boost, definitely. Made me smile the rest of the shift away. Still brings a warm feeling to my heart now, actually. Makes going to work tomorrow something to look forward to.

Afterwards, not only did my boss offer me a cigarette at the end of my shift, he offered me a beer as well! The cigarette was nothing new, but the beer was. It's pretty common here, I guess, but free beer for Julia means eternal gratitude. Dear younger boss, I will slave for you. Just don't mind me day-dreaming, as long as the beer keeps coming.

Edit: And I know that this post had nothing to do with multitasking whilst defecating. My apologies. Next time.

Edit edit: It's still snowing, bitchesssssssss.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

On foggy nights

I am reminded of walking through South Park, half-drunk but scared shitless nonetheless. And yes, Jo, I will not walk in parks after dark anymore.

I was supposed to go to London today, but changed my mind when I woke up. The weather was too depressing, and besides, I'm trying to save up. So I went to the accommodations office to see if I could move out (would save me a lot on rent each month), but unfortunately it appears that I've signed a contract with the devil. No moving out until June. Even if I did, I'd have to pay till then. Aw hell. Pun intended.

So I came back to my flat grudgingly, made a mess in the kitchen cooking spaghetti, and took a nice, long nap. The way a pacifist rebels. Ain't no better way. Watched two Studio Ghibli films back to back. Could have been mistaken for John Lennon's bed protest had I had round glasses and a Jap lady with crazy hair by my side.

Pretty pointless post, taking a break from writing my utterly depressing story about a mad, mad woman.

Tomorrow's update:

Multitasking: How to defecate and change your toilet roll at the same time.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

On my fourth month here

Kate Walsh playing in the background, a cup of tea in my right, a cigarette in my left, watching the snow fall outside my window. This is a moment I want to remember forever.