Sunday, December 20, 2009

Random thoughts on a cold night

Ever met someone you haven't seen in a long time and thought, 'Man, you really let yourself go...'

Ever wondered what's wrong with yourself because you can't successfully seduce someone?

Ever wondered if you really want what you have or you want what you can't have more?

Ever wondered what you really want to do with your life?

Ever wanted to go trekking in Mongolia?

Ever wondered why it's so goddamn cold and yet you won't turn off the air-conditioner even though you are shivering as you type this?

Ever thought that the question, 'which came first, the chicken or the egg' is equivalent to 'which came first, the woman or the baby'?

Ever wondered if the tendency to complicate life is ingrained or acquired?

Monday, December 14, 2009

I haven't had an inspiring streak in a long time. It's just work, home, drink on weekends lately. Here goes.

So, it's the end of the year and I'm supposed to write a recap of this year's past events. It's been sad, happy, boring, and somewhat life-changing. I've made new friends, and I haven't managed to lose any old ones. That's a very good thing, because with every year we gain, we somehow seem to lose friends for a variety of reasons.

I lost my granma but she will live on with us till we ourselves in turn die. I will tell her story to my children, if I have any, and I will tell them about how great a person she was (and how nobody, EVER, can everevereverever outcook her).

Larry moved back to KL, and as society dictates, the man's career is more important than the woman's (the feminist in me cries bullsheeeeeet you focker). Therefore, I'm expected to follow him to KL. However, facing the facts, there ought to be more chances for me in KL than in Penang. Logically, with or without Larry, I ought to move to KL to get that dream job. Unfortunately, I love Penang, and I'm very much attached to my family. So no KL for the time being. Time will tell. Besides, KL sucks.

But more about the long distance. It's alright, actually. I have my own time, and my own up-to-no-good activities. I see him roughly twice a month, and although it's never enough, it's too expensive to travel any more frequent. We don't do much special when we see each other, besides an occasional outing to the zoo/bird park. I enjoy doing the things that we don't do enough, eg. catch a movie, mall ratting, and playing dota because I miss the times when we used to live in the same state. Point of the matter is, I took for granted when we used to see each other every night, and it's the little things that matter.

I made new friends, and I lately got back to roots with an old friend of mine. I also got a tattoo, and I'm planning to get an extension next month because some random person I saw has the same exact fucking tattoo. Serves me right for getting a design off the web.

My best friend is expecting, and I'll be an uncle next year!

Work's been so far so good, at the least. I'm praying hard for an increment.

So come 31st December, rest assured ladies and gents, unless something malign pops up, Julia Tan will be contentedly raping her beer mug and toasting to the new year.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I don't understand girls calling their friends or themselves bitches, that sorta thing. You know how it goes. They see each other and go 'Bitchesssss!' 'I missed you, bitch!' 'How's my bitch been?'
You don't hear guys calling each other 'Hey dickwad, what's up?' or ''Sup, my asshole?' or even 'Haven't seen you in a while, prick!' (the proper response would be 'Dude, just look down, or did yours drop off?')

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Another rant about non-smokers

Recently I was in a mall, smoking outside the door with my colleagues when this woman passed by and started waving her hand frantically in front of her nose.
I wanted to put my cigarette out in her eye.
Today I watched the Reckless Tortuga PSA about non-smokers, and was tempted to read the comments regarding the video (still can't make up my mind about the tone of the video).
There was lot of garbage about second hand smoke.
Okay, I understand it smells bad, like b.o. It's rude to tell someone you don't really know that they stink. It's just not very nice. But to say that we're giving you cancer because you inhale that second hand smoke everytime you pass by, or if you're unfortunately downwind, then I suggest you never walk by the road side because oh man those fumes from exhausts burning gas and chemicals and whatnot are really bad for you too.
Don't fucking drive a car you idiot. Matter of fact, don't take buses too because you'll be supporting smog and noxious gasses. I could say, keep your car away from me, you're killing my lungs I don't want to smell third hand smoke nooooo car drivers are such murderers!
You know what? They should put pictures of aborted babies and black lungs on the sides of vehicles too. I might just start a campaign.
Idiots who bitch. Bandwagonners.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Another Facebook laziness (Google is right at your fingertips):

Today is the first time ever that I've seen l'Arc de Triomphe spelt as 'Arche le Droume.' WTF is that? Sounds like the sneeze of a dromedary camel.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My colleague recently sent me a link to, a website which shows some of the dumbest Facebook postings ever.

Reading all those horrible, horrible status updates, I'm reminded of my village Facebook idiot. Shitforbrains can't spell, has no sense of grammar, and she's doing her Masters in English.

If Shitforbrains is reading this, yes, I mean you. Please stop updating your status with anal-repulsive comments.

Here are some examples:

... agrrrrrrrr........ work longer than me but what also like dunno ***VOMITS BLOOD*** and hv to keep asking me, "What to do?", "Who to ask for the fillings?", etc etc, etc.... ANNOYING wen myself adi vry busy....... grrrrrrr...... wanna BOOM!!!!!

note: some of her colleagues are on her friends list. and 'wanna BOOM!!!!'? good god wtf is that.

... had the worst dinner ever... Chinese food a.k.a come out WORST THAN MALAY FOOD!!!

note: Malay food is good okay. you have the worst taste buds ever.

... it's either to froze the soup or totally forget abt flying it there?

note: it's 'freeze' you dipshit you making me shit a brick

... head feels so empty at the moment.

note: whaddaya mean 'at the moment'? it's always empty!

.. is................................................

note: ..........................................................

... the hardest word for me to bare is always "Goodbye" and at times it makes it depressing.

note: yes, she's doing her Masters in English. I fear for our children.

... sprained her rite angkle >.<

note: Masters in English FFS! MASTERS! how the fuck did she even pass her MUET??

... is longing for the belonging of the longing...

note: WTF?

... feels like having thorns in the throat.

note: be my guest

... is enjoying her Sunday morning at Boarder's Starbucks... ^.^

note: christ, she can't even spell the freaking bookstore!

Most of her updates revolve around how sleepy she is, how she wants to go back to sleep, how she needs more sleep, which goes to prove that she's just a pig that can type.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

True story

I remembered this incident after watching a video of a brave dog saving another dog that got hit by a car on a busy road.
I saw a 4-wheel drive run over a goat.
A goat. Not a dog, not a cat, but a freakin' goat.
This was along Bagan Jermal road, in front of the fire station. The goat was trying to cross the road (it's a dumb goat after all) and the 4-wheel drive didn't even bother to slow down and just WHAMPOW right into it.
Poor goat. After getting run over by the blindass dumbass driver, I figured its legs were probably broken as it was just lying on the road, still alive, bleating its heart out.
I thought about stopping to help it, but what could I have done? I don't eat kambing, anyway.
But goddamn, the driver ran over a goat!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Typhoon, tsunami, earthquake, global epidemic. Not to start the apocalypse nonsense, but it is getting steadily scarier.
So if the world ends tomorrow, I want everyone to know that I love you, and I never meant to hurt you with malicious, wicked intentions. I'm sorry for any trespasses, and I love you.

Friday, September 25, 2009

I have a few Indian friends who like calling their friends by the name of a food, ie. capati. It sounds fine, though. It's cute. I don't mind being called capati.
However, imagine if I were to call my friends by the name of a type of Chinese food.

"Hey, Hokkien Mee. What you doing?"


"Eh Char Siu Pau, how are you?"

Nope, doesn't work.
I guess I kinda envy those who never seem to stop studying. Those my age, I mean. I had no choice but to rush through my varsity life because I didn't want to be stuck in a place that didn't really inspire me. I see people I know who are in private colleges, usually abroad, who are still doing the same course after so many years. They never seem to finish studying! It's understandable if it's medicine or their Masters/PHD, but a BA in Arts? I didn't know that it was necessary to spend 6 years pursuing a degree in Communications. Why finish so fast, and begin the next part of your life? I suppose if you can afford to, you can put graduation off. Silly me, to have been working for more than a year already. I should have just failed and failed in USM. I mean, the fees weren't expensive, and I could still be slacking about.
Sigh. I'm just jealous that my daddy wasn't rich enough to afford any failure in my education. But the idea of me being 24 and still trying to get my first degree is a little embarrasing. Just a little.

My very special birthday

This year I received all the best gifts ever, and I feel so thankful and lucky that at 1.45am on a Thursday morning I feel the strong urge to blog about it and share my happiness with everyone.

My dad got me a new car player - because the old set was spoilt. The new one can play mp3 too! Not only that, he changed the speakers as well, so now I can blast music and feel the boom boom boom.

My mom got me a cross pendant - because I want to protect myself against vampires. Well actually it's to remind me of my faith, and to remind me to have faith not only in god, but in those around me too.

My colleagues got me a bottle of l'Occitane perfume - because it smells di-vine! I can't stop smelling myself, it just smells so damn good.

My friends got me two sets of bra from Triumph - because I really needed those and now I can throw away my chapelak RM10 ones.

Larry got me a wallet from Braun Buffel - because my old wallet which was originally white in colour turned into this disgusting shade of gray. I love the feel of soft leather encasing my money.

My relatives gave me ang pau - because one can never complain about being given money.

My auntie got me a Coach bag - because she just loves spoiling us rotten with branded goods. I screamed like a kid during Christmas when I saw it.

Stuff of dreams!

Now, just one present left from my sister. Hoho, can't wait!

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Other Woman

Today on the way to work, Mix fm was having a discussion about the other woman. They invited callers who were actually in that situation to share their feelings.
Now I've always disapproved of men cheating on their partners. They can say that they were drunk and the girl threw herself on him. Whatever. If you know that you can't drink and stay faithful, then don't fucking drink in the first place. No excuses are acceptable.
But anyway, there was this caller who said that she's been in a relationship with a married man for 2 years. 2 whole fucking years.
She said she thought that he really loves her. That he treats her nicely. That his wife mistreats him, that's why he needs to seek solace elsewhere.
*claps right palm against left fist*
What utter bullshit. The classic line: "My wife isn't good to me. She doesn't know me very well. She doesn't understand me. She doesn't treat me as good as you do."
Hello, it's called counselling. If that don't work, it's called a DIVORCE.
That being said, I know married men who keep a woman on the sidelines. Thing is, no matter how 'badly' their wives mistreat them, they still never leave her. I don't buy the bad treatment in the first place, so I guess it's just a male instinct to plant their seeds wherever they can. Some men are more developed than others, so they can resist this instinct. Others just want to expand their herd. The whole have the cake and eat it thing.
And these other women, they are so fucking stupid. Men will never leave their wives for you! It happens, but only what, 1 out of 20 cases in which the man will actually get a divorce? My advice to you dimwits: Get a man of your own. Sharing isn't caring in this case. Quit being such a whore. He treats you like a queen, says he loves you and only you, gets you gifts and shares his worries with you. But you know what? At the end of the day, when he has to go back to his wife and kids, you still sleep alone at night.
I don't pity dumb pussy.

Friday, September 4, 2009

I was driving back from lunch today, when I had to stop at the traffic lights. When the light turned green, this big black pretty heavily tinted SangYong next to me suddenly cut into my lane without even signalling. This irritated me some, so I honked him. I guess he wasn't too happy about it, this puny Myvi giving him a honk, so he stepped on the breaks and purposely slowed down whilst I was behind him. This irritated me somemore, so I honked him again and cut into the other lane. He swerved into my lane again and slowed down even more.
I lost my marbles at that second.
I knew he was looking at the rearview mirror because I could see the bobbing shadow of his head, so I gave him several claps and a very big thumbs up sign. One good thing about heavily tinted cars is that they can give me the finger all they want but I won't be able to see it. The only way for me to see it is for them to wind down the window, but I guess it would be too troublesome then. So yes, tinting your car is good when you want to dig your nose without the rest of the world seeing you doing it, but not good when you want to give someone the finger.
After that, Mr Supermassive Ego took the turning to the right whilst I took the turning to the left.
So boys and girls, driving a tinted Korean 4-wheel drive does not make you god of the roads. If I'm not mistaken, the number plate was PHD29. But I could be. So if you know someone with that number plate, but isn't driving a chapelak Korean car (like me), do apologize on my behalf.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Me and my greed

I'm very greedy when it comes to food. Ask anyone. I eat a lot when the food is good.

I correct myself. I eat a lot of rice when the dishes are good. I can go up to 3 bowls, and my highest achievement was 5 bowls back in secondary school. The food was very good.

So yeah, I tend to overeat. When I'm in the mood, I can stuff myself with crisps, fruits, chocolates, biscuits. Thing is, my digestive system is getting lousier by the year. Too much of something tends to give me the runs. Today I had 2 packets of instant miso soup (just 2!!) and that gave me a hell of of a run. I have a feeling that I will need to go to the toilet for the fourth time today after I post this, so I'll make it quick.

Conclusion: I'm not going to cut down on my seasonal overeating, especially at work, because my office has clean toilets.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Something brainless happened in the office this morning.

I was going to the pantry. There was a woman in my path coming my way, so I stepped to the left. She stepped to her right. We ended up in each other's paths again. So I stepped to my right, and she stepped to her left. Holy cow. Still in each other's paths, I stepped to my left, thinking 'This is fucking retarded.' She stepped to her right and voila, I'm still fuckin' vis-a-vis with her. This happened till we started doing the cha-cha-cha.

Actually after some more idiotic side stepping, we just ended up being nose to nose to each other, when I finally stood still and let her inch past me.

In retrospect, it was funny. If she had been Dave Grohl I'd just of covered myself in the nastiest glue you can find and walked right into him. Alas, she wasn't, so all we did was a impromptu version of the cha-cha-cha.

Next time something like that happens, I'm just gonna fart a huge one and let her do the side-stepping.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Julia has been gunned down by sudden nostalgia. Pang pang!


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Blast from the past

This was taken from my old blog. Looking back, I was a bit of an angry and jaded person.

Three years from now.

Friday, August 18th, 2006

Let me predict my future. Three years from now. It’d be the year of the Ox again. I’ll be 24, graduated, old, penniless and probably single (being optimistic) .. If things go as planned, I’ll be in Kay-el, trying to make a living through writing. Preferably creative writing, but a writer’s gotta whore herself sometimes. By jove, I might even end up working for some beauty magazine. Or even become a teacher, god forbid. But let’s stick to idealistic dreams, shall we. A freelance writer. Maybe have a little weekly column. Too ambitious. A bi-weekly column. Publish a short story or two in some obscure short story compilation. Write a script and get it produced.
I don’t know what else. Would I still be able to hang out with the same friends? Highly impossible, isn’t it. This blog, by then, would probably have been abandoned some time back. Friendster would be defunct, just like ICQ. This laptop that I’m typing on would surely have become shit-fodder.
Would I look back and think, man, my 21st was crazy. What the hell was I thinking? Would I remember all those people I loved and lost, would I remember them with the same fervour as I do now? Would I fester and rot in those memories or would they have, as is natural with me, gone with the next train? I’m so full of contradictions, it pains me. It really does.
Three years isn’t very long, but boy is it unimaginable, to an extent. People would have come and gone and come again and gone back to wherever people go. But I’ll still be around. Look me up, you’ll find me. If you still know who I am, that is. You go, ‘Yeah, that crazy girl who laughs too loud and wears flip flops and has incorrigible habits. What’s her name again? What is her goddamned name again?’


Well I'm not in Kay-el, I haven't been writing, Friendster is indeed defunct and so is the blog, and that laptop is long gone. I'm still hanging out with the same people minus a few, and I remember the people I loved and lost sans passion.
I still laugh too loud and wear flip flops though. Some things never change I guess.
Boy was it a crazy 21.

On exes.

Since the previous post was about an ex, I'll just continue my train of thought.

Some exes are total assholes. They spread rumours about you. Call you names. Shit like that. They are also known as the Poonani ex.

Some exes are half assholes. After breaking up, they just want to get in your pants again when his next girl just isn't that good enough in bed. They still talk to you nicely, play on your heartstrings, say they still have feelings for you, but you know exactly what it is that they want. They are also known as the Sexual Predator ex.

Some exes are nice assholes. They randomly chat with you to check if you're living in tremendous hell because you broke it off with them. They are also known as the Ulterior Motive ex.

Some exes aren't assholes at all. After breaking up, they leave you alone, smile and say hi when they bump into you, but relatively keep their distance. They are known as the Outer Limits ex.

Some exes are really nice people. After breaking up, you're still great friends with them. Unfortunately, none of my exes really want to have anything to do with me, except for ***. However, he's classified under the Sexual Predator ex, and I should keep my distance. Therefore, I'll call these nice exes the Non-Existant ex.
I got this from a cousin on Facebook:

"What if my ex says..." What would I answer in return?!!

So I decided to do it based on one of my exes I dislike.

1. What if my ex says "Why did you let me go?"
Coz you're fat and ugly and I was bored and myopic.

2. What if my ex says "I still love you..."
You can start a fan club.

3. What if my ex says "When did we last talk?"
That day, when you saw me with another guy.

4. What if my ex says "Will you go out with me?"
My eyesight's better now thank you.

5. What if my ex says "Do you still love me?"
Your butt had stretch marks. Are they still there?

6. What if my ex says "I cannot keep my promise to you"
Coming from you, it's nothing new.

7. What if my ex says "My friends say we don't look good together"
Like I said, you're fat and ugly. Even a llama looks better next to you.
Note: I apologize to all llama lovers out there. Llamas are incredible creatures. They spit.

8. What if my ex says "You have changed!"
Really, Einstein?

9. What if my ex says "Can we get back together?"
The day you take a gulp of my fart in your mouth and swallow it. The thought of your bulging mouth might soften my heart.

10. What if my ex says "Oh, I know what this is all about. You found someone else."
Actually, I did.

11. What if my ex says "Don't you realize? You are the one who hurt me!"
Fine then, start a hate club.

12. What if my ex says "How can you forget our memories?"
You weren't that memorable.

13. What if my ex says "I will always love you"
My dog lays eggs.

14. What if my ex says "Would you die for our love?"
Ima put a restraining order on you, mang.

15. What if my ex says "You jump, I jump...Remember?"
Oh you can go ahead and jump all you want. In a straight jacket. Behind padded cells. Careful, now.

16. What if my ex says "Kiss me to break the curse if I sleep for a hundred years"
Sweet dreams!

17. What if my ex says "What's the difference between me and you?"
I'm the person who shits. You're the shit coming out of my arse.

18. What if my ex says "I saw you last night with your boyfriend."
Why didn't you say hi?

19. What if my ex says "Without me, your life wouldn't be complete"
Eh don't so thick-skinned can or not you whore?

20. What if my ex says "Why are you doing this to me!"
Because I can, bitch.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Yea I know I haven't blogged in some time. So here are some recaps:

Samui was a blast. It's one of those pieces of rugged paradise on earth. Also, Singha beer is really fucking good.

Watching Discovery Channel the other day, I found out that there's a coffee company in the States called Alterra Coffee. There's also a clothes-altering shop in KL called Z-Altera or something like that.

I think I'm handling long-distance well enough. However, it does feel like I'm single again. It's like I'm slowly discovering who I was before. I'm not sure if it's good or it's bad.

To end this miserable recap, nothing life-changing has occured within the past month or so. Which leads me to a thought I had:

Why the term 'seize the moment?' Some people do crazy shit because they say you only live once. I agree with that because reincarnation and heaven and all those life-after-death theories have not been proven yet. So why not try drugs? You only live once after all. Or why not kill somebody? Rape? Mutilate yourself?

Every moment alive, no matter how fucked up it is, is to be treasured somewhat. You don't got to be doing something extraordinary. Driving home from work, I looked at the display clock and it read 17:23, and I thought that I'll never relive Wednesday 29 July 2009, at 17:23 ever again. Should I have been sky-diving or something? Nah, I just wanted to fetch my mom and get home to my 4-month old puppy. It gets boring sometimes, doing the same thing over and over again, but it's never entirely the same.

So next time you think life is meaningless, or next time you think what you're doing is insanely boring, or when you're driving, or when you're taking a dump, or even when you're having the time of your life, try this: think that it won't happen exactly the same again, and perhaps be glad that the shit's gonna be different tomorrow (at least), or be sad that the moment has passed.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Not letting this die yet...

//malicious laughter

Well there ain't nothin' to be gettin' your panties in a twist about, dawg. Yo, since Manglish sucks so much, I'ma gonna use Blackglish.

God that sounded horrible in my head.
So yeah, there's been some little debate going on about Manglish being a deteriorant to Malaysians. Here are some links:

This was the icing that made my piss freeze:

Closet Singaporean. Bleh. So here's my reply which The Star didn't publish. Guess it got old. Heh.

I hope this isn't getting old. I refer to the letter 'Say, it will be nice if we aren't proud of Manglish.' I beg to defer, I know of Malays and Indians who use these slang terms of 'lah,' 'mie,' 'ler,' etc. Being Malaysian, I naturally have friends of different races. We all speak in the same way. Matter of fact, I think that 'lah' originates from Malay. I don't know who the writer has been speaking to, but if he were to go out to a mamak stall where your average young adult hangs out at, I think that he'd hear people of all walks and races speaking Manglish.

Again, I beg to defer. These terms are not a sign of being lazy. They add colour to the language. If the writer wants an example of laziness, how about the word 'ain't.' It's a combination of 'is not,' and it's widely accepted all over the world. How about the English 'innit,' which means 'isn't it.' Are these terms okay? Since the writer is in England, I wonder what he thinks of the cockney accent? Does cockney reflect Londoners as lazy and, well, confusing? I doubt it.

As for his Singaporean experience, I am glad for him that he got to hear Singaporean children speaking in perfect, impeccable English, and I regret to hear that Singaporeans are losing their Singlish. Phua Chu Kang was definitely funnier when he was speaking Singlish.

Also, I don't think that our children will have any difficulties learning proper English. As long as our English teachers continue teaching the language correctly, I think that children will grow up being able to discern when to speak Manglish and when to speak proper English.

To end it, I think that Manglish reflects on us as a bunch of creative, colourful people who know the language well enough to add jargons of our own. English is after all a second language to us. I'm appaled by the writer for implying that we Malaysians are lazy and lack morals for speaking Manglish. To the Malaysian reading this: Do you think you're any less a person for speaking Manglish?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Last week, someone close to me went to pump petrol at a Shell station on Tanjung Tokong road. There, she was asked to join the Shell RM2 million cash contest. She filled up her particulars (name, mobile number & IC number), and asked where the box to drop the form into was. The cashier pointed her to it. She dropped the form off and didn't think much about it.

Today, she received an SMS saying :

From SHELL!! Tahniah anda telah memenangi hadiah contest SHELL 2,3 MILION

Sila hubungi talian:

Later, she got a phonecall from the number above, asking for her account number. She didn't have her bank book with her at that time, so they asked for her ATM number instead, and asked her to go to the nearest ATM machine to key in some pin that they will give her.

You see, because she actually did join the contest, she really thought that she had won something. However, she wisened up and told them to call back later. They didn't.

So the thing is, she joins this contest at the particular Shell station, and 3 days later she receives this scam call. A coincidence? I highly doubt it. Someone at the station must have gotten hold of her information and given it to the scammer, or the person at the station was in fact the scammer himself. This is very scary, and I am going to avoid that Shell station like mad if they employ such untrustworthy scammers.

Monday, June 15, 2009

One thing I don't get is people writing 'I miss you grandma/grandpa/relative,' 'Hope you are happy grandma/grandpa/relative,' 'I still miss you after so long grandma/grandpa/relative' in their blogs/FB/MSN for their said deceased relative. If said deceased relative is indeed deceased, no way on earth can said deceased relative read whatever it is that the person has written/posted. I mean, I can't imagine my granny's ghost sitting in front of the computer trying to access my blog or whatever.
I repeat, I don't think that there is any way that said deceased relative can read what you posted. Yea they're probably lookin down at you from heaven, one sweet day, yadda yadda, but unless they have superman eyesight, I doubt that they can view your computer screen from up there. Unless, unless you believe that said deceased relative is constantly hovering behind you, then in that case, they prolly would be able to see it. But then again, that is quite a scary thought.
So people who write/post such stuff, go to your said deceased relative's grave/apartment lot and light a few candles, say a few prayers. I think it means a lot more than blogging about it. It just shows that you are gratifying yourself personally, and you should be ashamed of yourself for using your said deceased relative for this purpose.
However, writing 'I miss my grandma...' is a different story. You're telling other people that you miss said deceased relative, and you're not trying to make contact with said deceased relative. Geddddddit?
Just my two penis. Pennies.
So last weekend I followed Larry to the dentist. My mom recommended this dentist in town, and we made an appointment and went there on Saturday morning.
When we saw the place, he was a bit apprehensive, as it looked like it was stuck in the 70'. We saw pictures on the wall of this guy in his late 40's, and I assumed that he was the dentist, Dr. Lee. A lady greeted us and asked Larry to get on the electric chair, so I thought I was wrong, she must be the dentist. She started doing checks on Larry's teeth, saying that one of his teeth must be extracted. That was expected, as he had been having toothache caused by that particular tooth.
Then this old man came from the other room, this old, withered, shaky guy who I realized was the Dr. Lee in the pictures. The pictures on the wall must have been taken like 20 years ago! This guy had white, wispy hair and was slightly bent over. His hands were a bit shaky as he prepared the injection to numb Larry's gums. If he wasn't worried, I was.
After injecting Larry's gums, we had to wait a while for it to take effect. We chit chatted a bit, whilst Dr. Lee sat down and started reading the papers in the other room. After a while, he came back in and started prodding poor Larry's mouth again with steel pliers and whatnot. I heard some clinking sounds of metal against tooth, and I thought that he was performing some routine checks.
I was wrong. Several seconds later, he took something out of Larry's mouth - the rotten tooth. It was wham, bam, thank you m'am, I see, I check, I extract. Really fast.
My misgivings were uncalled for, as this old guy clearly still had it in him. It takes strength to pull a tooth out, especially a molar-thingy. Despite his shaky fingers, when he holds those pliers, he's steady as stone. Best thing was, we were there for no more than half an hour. So for those who are scared shitless of dentists (like me and basically everyone else), if you want a fast and relatively painless job without all the dawdling and toothbrush recommendations, go see Dr. Lee. Don't be put off by his age, he's example primo uno that experience kicks youth's ass.

Monday, June 1, 2009

It was one big yawn in Penanti

More disagreements with The Star regarding the Penanti by-election. Sloppy, biased writing. Tch. It's common knowledge where they swing, but this article is just shite.

"PKR knew the turnout would be poor but they did not expect it to be this low. Only 7,101 people voted.

It was very disappointing for the PKR leaders who had hoped for better figures to augment their claims of overwhelming support in Penanti and, by inference, Penang."

Please provide proof. Quotes, maybe?

"The Barisan Nasional lost face by staying out, but they can claim some satisfaction here for denying PKR the bragging rights.

The most obvious reason for the low turnout is that everyone knew who the winner would be and did not think that their vote would make much of a difference."

Sore losers! A win is still a win. Imagine if it had been the other way around. This would have been written way differently. The headline would have stated, "Big win for BN!"

"He has a serious demeanour and on polling day, an argument he had with a reporter over some nitty-gritty detail grew so tedious that DAP’s Lim Kit Siang, who was beside him, could be seen massaging his own forehead as though he had a headache.

Mansor can certainly do with better people skills. One reporter complained that interviewing him was “like trying to claw gold from his mouth”."

Shouldn't reporters already realise that not everybody is willing to open their mouths readily for them? That if they do open their mouths, their words can be twisted to mean something entirely different, therefore some public figures are very careful about what they say? I don't think this statement is worth newpaper print.

"It was little wonder that independent Aminah Abdullah stole the thunder from him and his party.

She was the undisputed newsmaker of Penanti. Aminah was not a polished act and she had few clues about being a candidate but she was street-smart and had the PKR on the defensive with her allegations of bribery."

Bla bla bla, she still lost in the end.

"She was nothing to look at. In fact she looked rather masculine, what in English literature would be known as “handsome woman.” But the media could not get enough of her and she was the most photographed of all the candidates."

Was this shit written by an asshole? This to me is insinuating that ugly people should not be photographed. And what the hell does it matter that she looks like a man? I have my own eyes to see!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Police to ask Interpol to look out for Raja Petra

KUALA LUMPUR: Police will ask Interpol to look out for Malaysia Today editor Raja Petra Raja Kamarudin who has a warrant of arrest against him for failing to turn up at court for trial.


Raja Petra, 59, had on July 17 last year claimed trial to three counts of criminal defamation over his statutory declaration on the murder of a Mongolian translator.

The father of three boys and two girls is alleged to have defamed the then Deputy Prime Minister’s wife, by making a libellous statement in the declaration which he affirmed on June 18 when he knew that it would tarnish her good name.

The grandfather of four also faces two similar charges against Leftenan Kolonel Norhayati Hassan and her husband Leftenan Kolonel Abdul Aziz Buyong.

Raja Petra is said to have committed the offences at High Court (Civil 5) at the Jalan Duta court complex at 10:25am on June 18, last year.

At the outset of court proceedings, DPP Anselm applied for the arrest warrant against the editor and the notice for his wife saying that both were aware that the criminal defamation trial was set for three days from Tuesday.

Raja Petra’s lawyer, Amarjit Singh Sidhu, told the judge that the defence team was waiting to get a trial date at the Court of Appeal for their appeal on the transfer order involving the same case.

“We have now received the appeal records. It is on the transfer of this case from the Magistrates Court to the Sessions Court,” he added.


Raja Petra claims to be in a self-exile from Selangor because of a dispute with the state’s Palace.

He claimed in a Malaysia Today article that he would not be attending the hearings not only because of his brush with the Palace but also due to his fear of another Internal Security Act arrest.

He also said that he did not want to face possible treason charges.

According to the press report, the police believes that the editor is now in Brisbane.

There are two points I disagree with, with the writer of this article:

"The father of three boys and two girls is alleged to have defamed the then Deputy Prime Minister’s wife, by making a libellous statement in the declaration which he affirmed on June 18 when he knew that it would tarnish her good name.

The grandfather of four also faces two similar charges against Leftenan Kolonel Norhayati Hassan and her husband Leftenan Kolonel Abdul Aziz Buyong."

What does the writer want to point out next? That RPK is the uncle of 13, step-uncle of 3, nephew to 8, and so on? I know that she was trying to make him look like an irresponsible family man, but to the extent of listing out the fact that he is a grandfather of four is plain absurd.

The issue altogether is ridiculous. I know they send for Interpol help for pedophiles, murderers, rapists, serial killers, fraudsters, con men who walked away with millions, but for a guy who wrote something on the internet? Umm... would Interpol actually waste their time?

Monday, May 25, 2009

I was driving today when I sort of sorted things out. Life isn't a competition. It isn't about who wins the race, who owns that expensive car or who owns that branded bag. It isn't about who can argue the best, or who can give the hardest punch. It isn't about who's the most beautiful or most handsome, it isn't about who can sing the best or has the nicest body.
Those things belong in competitions.
You have careers, car races, beauty pageants, rich people's clubs and the Guinness World Book of Records for those.
So you don't gotta be most beautiful or smartest, or have the most expensive clothes and use the best skin care. It isn't kindy anymore, where you tell the next kid, "My shoes are nicer than yours, my daddy richer than yours."
You just gotta live life sometimes.
So I let that car overtake me and hope that he was happy with whatever it was he was trying to accomplish.
Not everything is a competition. Take things as they come sometimes.
Just a little moment of Zen.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Cakes cakes cakes!

For my cousin's first month celebration, I ordered a cake from Mandy. I requested for a cow design, similar to the Pooh design that she made. Here are the pictures of the lovely cake:

El cake-o

Sideview. Sho cute.

Close-up of the cake. Everyone loved it and many people were taking pictures of it.

My uncle's family de-limbing the poor cow.

Aftermath of the operation. I look at that picture and I get hungry for fondant cake and, strangely, steak.

And here's a picture of the cake that I ordered from Mandy for mother's day:

My mom was in love with the cake. The sheep was seriously cute and the cow has titties, check it out!

And of course, the cake was very good. Thanks Mandy!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Mother's Day post

Yes, I bet that everyone is sick of reading about mother's day by now. I celebrated it with my loved ones at Red Box, and it was faboolous. Just missing were my sister and my dad.
Anyway, I remember years ago whilst we were still active in church, I think it was a mother's day do where we youth had to bring our mums to a youth meet after church. One of the activities was we had to tell our mums what we would say to her if we only had 5 minutes left to live. Pretty morbid for a mother's day celebration event, but it was church after all where a huge effigy of a man impaled on a cross hanged in front for all to see.
My sister spoke to my mom first, so whilst I was waiting, I could see that everyone talking to their mums started to cry. My crush was crying. I can't remember, but I think my sister cried too. A lot of people cried. I felt a little freaked out, naturally.
So after my sister was done, I went to sit with my mom, and I think her eyes were red. I was determined not to cry, so when my mom asked me what I would say to her, I just said, "Ok, good-bye, and take care."
My mom asked me if there was anything else I would like to add, and I said I didn't know what else to say. It was hard holding back tears, church does that to people sometimes. I don't think I cried that day, but obviously if I only had 5 minutes left to live, I would sure as hell say a lot more than "Ok, good-bye, and take care," and cry bucketloads of tears.
So yeah, I'm a pretty macho person, I wouldn't even let one of my best friends hug me when my grandma died because I was afraid I might cry in front of her.
Back to the mother's day topic.
My mom never said she loved me, not as far as I can remember. She's not really the touchy-huggy type either, but she doesn't need to say she loves me or my sister. She does it through her actions and selflessness. Life can be a total nails-on-blackboard-sound at times living with her, but she's mom. Life would be a blackhole without.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Why is it that people lament about how they hate Malaysia, Malaysia sucks, Malaysia is backward etc., move to another country and complain to bits about how much they miss Malaysia. I know it's not the best country in the world, and it's got a hell loada flaws, but it's still home. This is me saying Malaysia sucks in some ways, but it's also great in a lot of other ways. You're not gonna find a bowl of hot, steaming, delicious Hokkien Mee at 2am in America or Argentina. They might have White Castle, but Hokkien Mee kicks burger ass. Speaking of food, I'm fungry.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

I did something I never done before today. I was washing my bird cage when one of the birds got stuck on the bottom grid. This has happened before, somehow the bird fell in between the grid and the tray. However, this time was different. It was stuck fast on the grid.
See, its nails, or mini-talons were long and curling, somewhat like a yogi's. I never knew this could happen with birds. When it flew to a grid to perch, its mini-talons would get stuck because they curled like hooks. So, I took the bird in my hand, used a plastic bag as a glove, hollered for my mom to bring me a nailcutter, and began cutting my bird's mini-talons.
It's just a tiny bird, and I was really afraid to crush it to death. So afraid till my hand was shaking, holding this little shivering burst of feathers in my palm.
Said bird is A-okay now. It can perch on the grid and not get stuck anymore. I feel so much closer to it after that bonding session. Sigh.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I don't know how far the saying is true, that every girl fantasizes about her own wedding, but I have thought of mine since I was a teenager. At first it started out as a huge, drunk affair, and over the years, it became more simplified.
I want a simple wedding, not gaudy. I've always wanted the groom to 'surprise' me by singing a song for me, but looking at the circumstances, it doesn't seem so viable anymore. I want a simple, romantic wedding. Not everything has to be classy, and neither ought it be gaudy. I know that I'm not a very romantic person, because romance can be tres cheesy. I've had poems written to me before, and they were forgettable (the only memorable one was the one where an ex called me his poison), flowers are nice but they tend to die, I don't snack on chocolates much, and the only things that I absolutely love about romance are the rocks, because they are extremely practical.
So yeah, for my wedding, for once, I want it to be romantic. Under a full moon, a simple dress (without those godawful frills so like a clown), champagne glasses clinking, dancing to Aquellos Ojos Verdes. It makes me smirk out of the absolute corniness, but that's my dream wedding.

Did I mention that my dream groom is Rob 'God' Pattinson?

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Why cleavages are exciting:

It reminds you that there are two round, nice, life-nurturing breasts are attached to it down south.

Why legs are exciting:

It reminds you that there is a nice, warm, life-giving vagina attached to it up north.

Why butts are exciting:

They're round and cushiony, and they provide you with an area to spank.

Why butt cracks are not exciting at all, and are in fact disgusting as hell:

They look like cleavages with mucho wrinkles and stretch marks, and are attached to the anus where shit (nasty stuff) comes out from. It is usually a bit discoloured, and sometimes hairy on men. Although it is attached to the nice, round butt, butt cracks are butt cracks and they are hideous to look at.

This post comes from after seeing a guy bend over at McDonald's. His shorts were almost halfway down and everyone had a first class view of his magnificent wrinkly discoloured probably shit stained butt crack for at least 3 minutes. When he sat down, his shorts were still almost halfway down and therefore his awful, god awful buttcrack was still visible.

Ugh. I mean, seriously, ugh. Nightmore, some? Butt cracks do NOT have the same effect as the cleavage! A bit is still too much!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A business proposal

Toy boy clubs for the rich and jaded

TOY boys are the new craze in Singapore nightclubs, Sin Chew Daily and China Press reported.
The newspapers reported yesterday that rich men’s wives did not mind paying the toy boys RM3,500 each to spend an evening with them.
If the women want to bring the boys out for supper, they will be charged RM350 an hour.
A regular patron, Madam Wang, 42, said she had to visit the toy boy clubs daily, failing which she would feel uneasy.
Admitting that her family would break up if her businessman husband found out about her “hobby”, Madam Wang said she could not keep herself away from the clubs.
When met by reporters at a club, Madam Wang was with a Thai toy boy.
She said: “He makes me feel young, something which my husband fails to do.”
Checks with several toy boys found that they also offer sexual services if asked by the women.
A popular toy boy may earn about RM4,600 a night, said one of them.

What say you? A nice quiet area in Tanjung Bungah overlooking the sea would be the perfect business location. Open to franchising in KL as well. Julia mama-san. Hmm... has a nice ring to it.
Come and invest in the House of Nightflowers! We have white, yellow, brown, black, any shade under the sun!

Monday, April 13, 2009

I'm quite a chicken - I never play zombie games or scary shooting games, but last weekend I decided to test my boundaries and went and played this game:

at a cybercafe. What ensued was a sleepless night. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw zombies chasing after me. I'll stick to my boring strategy games for now.

Friday, April 3, 2009

I went to Jusco just now with the intention of buying sport shoes. Since sales assistant was nowhere to be seen, I went and asked another sales assistant standing nearby if she could get my size. She said that the sales assistant in charge went for his lunch break and wouldn't be back for another 40 mins, and because she wasn't in charge of the particular shoe brand, she didn't know anything about how to get the shoes I wanted from the store.
How the fuck is it so difficult to find a pair of shoes from the store? You look at the ID tag on the shoe, you look at the sizes available that ought the be stated on a sticker on the sole, you go to the section of the store that holds so-and-so shoes, and you search for it, godammit! It doesn't take a specialist or a genius, for fuck's sake!
This means that when the sales assistant goes for his lunch/dinner/shit breaks, the entire section that he's in charge of goes into sleep mode. You can't fucking buy anything from there till the sales assistant gets back. How bloody efficient is that? Let's say he's on leave for a week. How?
To the Jusco boss: some of your workers are being paid to be stupid nincompoops, and they're blaming it on your system.
How many times have you walked into a store, asked for a size, and without even bothering to check or even look at what you're showing her, the sales assistant tells you, "Oh this one sold out." An even worse answer you could get: "Donno."
They should just hire Indonesians or Bangladeshis, because our local workers can be just so damn clueless and unwilling to do anything about it.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I wonder, since there's strawberry scented shower gel, apple, kiwi, olive, banana, even moringa (what the hell is moringa?), why haven't they come up with durian shower gel? I want to for once, go in the shower, and come out smelling like durians. I think it'd smell gorgeous. Why can't they make durian shower gel?
I shit at any given time of the day, yesiree. When the bowel calls, I answer. I know some people who, like clockwork, go in the morning, or after work, or after any meal or else they will make massive booboo in their pants, but I go when I go, and on some days I don't.
I'm surprised they haven't banned Lady Gaga's Poker Face from national radio yet. I mean, it's got the word poker in it, along with other gambling jargons. I'm very surprised they haven't blipped those words. Imagine:
'Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read my (enter silence of silences) face...'
'Po-po-po-po-po-po-po - - - - face'
I'd be miffed if I was Beyonce. They blipped the word 'beer' from her song and 'poker' is allowed? Heck, Korn, KORN muthafuckin' KORN came to Malaysia without a single snort and Avril Lavigne's concert faced protests. We Malaysians are incredibly imbalanced! Where's my durian shower gel!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Mandy's Very Nais Cake

The fondant cake that Mandy made for a friend's birthday. Looks delicious? Well it was.

Those little pink flowers at the sides of the cake were delish. Inside was a chocolate sponge cake, which was coated with cream. Mm-mmmm.....

Get your own customized cake today! Visit

Close up of the little pink flowers.

Close up of the flowers on top.

See, the cake was so nice, he didn't even want to wipe the cream off his mouth. Also, he was being disgusting.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

My sister and white pepper

This feels like Standard One. I'm going to describe my sister.

Her name is Josephine Tan. She is 30-1 this year. She just turned 30-1 last week, matter of fact. She used to bully me a lot as a child. She still bullies me slightly these days. She likes to hijack my computer, changing my Facebook status and stuff like that. That's why I must be careful and log out of my accounts when she's around. She also likes to prank call my friends and message funny stuff to them from my phone when I leave it unattended. She doesn't seem to grow up, which is good because this makes her fun to be around when she's not grumpy. She also calls me her pet, which is not true, because pets are animals, and I am not an animal. I probably shouldn't say anything nasty about her because she is going to read this, but her gas really smells. She comes up with random things, and creates her own words. People also say we are weird. I think she's the weirder one though.
My father is Big Joe, my sister is Small Jo and I am Little Jo. People give me stares when I call my dad Big Joe in public. But I am not going to talk about my father here because this is about my sister. She ought to get married soon and give me a niece/nephew and a big ang pau every year. My friends call her Auntie Jo, but they better be nice to her or else they're gonna get a small ang pau when she gets married.
That is about all. Thank you.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The WONDERFUL side of Malaysians

Malaysians show their good side

RECENTLY, I made a trip from Singapore to Kuala Lumpur with my family. I was very impressed with Malaysia’s friendly Immigration officers and toll operators. But what made a truly wonderful impression was when we made the mistake of going into a Smart Tag lane while trying to read the road directions. Obviously, we were stuck as we did not have a Smart Tag card. The owner of a Malaysian registered car came to our aid and used her Smart Tag card to activate the barrier. It was very light traffic on that day and she could have easily driven to another lane, but she didn’t. To the Good Samaritan and all our dear Malaysian friends - thank you very much for your kindness and hospitality.


"But what made a truly wonderful impression was when we made the mistake of going into a Smart Tag lane while trying to read the road directions. Obviously, we were stuck as we did not have a Smart Tag card."

"we made the mistake of going into a Smart Tag lane while trying to read the road directions"

"while trying to read the road directions"

"while trying to read the road directions"

"while trying to read the road directions"

Who you trying to kid, Singaporean? Obviously you saw the lane with the least cars and your inborn kiasu nature made you hurry towards it, only to realise that the Smart Tag lane does not mean that it's for Smart people (which, however, you're clearly not). Then the primitive Malaysian driver, used to seeing such kiasu-ness coming from the people who hail from the spit of land down south of the border, probably sighed, shook her head, and alighted from her car to help you before you decided to sue someone and try to stab them with wads of Singaporean money.

I apologise, Singaporean, I like to make fun of you and your country. It's a Malaysian thing.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Holy shit, someone actually got a tattoo out of this!

I want a tattoo of Rob Pattinson!

What is an A worth these days?
19 A1s and 1 A2. Wow. An A must come really cheap. What was the passing mark for Add Maths again? 10?

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I find Chinese people (regardless of religion) who don't celebrate Chinese New Year very, very sad. Even my tudung-wearing Muslim-Chinese grand-auntie (wow how many hyphens were there?) gives out ang pau during Chinese New Year. There are even Malay & Indian lion dance performers, for chrissakes.


Because it's CHINESE NEW YEAR, not Nine Emperor God's festival or Sky Emperor's birthday. It's the new lunar year, not a bloody religious celebration.

'Religious the-bible-tells-me-so' people who have pre-marital sex and use God's name in vain anyhow, you can change your religion, but you can't change your race. In the Race check box, you still gotta tick Chinese.

It baffles me, these people. It's just Chinese New Year, not the devil's parade!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I've always wanted to write a sort of comeback against Beyonce's 'If I were a boy.' Don't get me wrong, the song has a nice tune and I won't switch the station if it plays on the radio, but I think that the lyrics are a bit unfair on both sexes.

If I were a boy even just for a day >> I'd try to jerk off and see how it feels
I'd roll out of bed in the morning >> Morning wood, woohoo!
And throw on what I wanted >> Yep it's something you don't have to be a boy to do
And go drink beer with the guys >> You seriously don't have to be a boy to go out drinking with the guys and talk about women, cars and football

And chase after girls >> Girls chase after boys too...
I'd kick it with who I wanted >> Of course we kick it with who we want
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me >> Nothing better than your girlfriends sticking up for you to the point of grabbing your phone and sending a nasty text to the jilted but persistent guy

If I were a boy >> I'd try to pee standing
I think I could understand >> Not all boys are beyond any capability of understanding, I guess...
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man >> I don't really get this?

I'd listen to her >> Unless I'm deaf, of course I'd listen! I listen when he nags too!
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted >> I think it hurts both sexes equally
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy >> I'd walk around in boxers to air my dangling bits
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone >> Now hey, it's really not just boys who do these kinda scoundrel things

I'd put myself first >> A lot of people put themselves first anyhow
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home
>> C'mon... this isn't the previous century anymore where women sat at home waiting for their unfaithful, selfish husbands. I don't think women sit around and wait anymore.

If I were a boy >> I'd like to know what a blowjob feels like
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man >> Eh same lines, same goes for the omitted verse

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong >> A lot of women don't get second chances either...

But you're just a boy >> And I still want my blowjob.
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man >> You see, if a guy loves a girl, he loves her in his own way. Same goes for the sort of lovin' a woman gives a man; she loves him in her own way. And although we are a coupla billion people in the world, we are still individuals to a certain point, and we have our own ways of loving those around us. Unless you want to date yourself, nobody's gonna love you the way you love yourself. So what is she trying to say when she sings 'And you don't understand oh how it feels to love a girl'?

Do you know that they banned 'beer' on national radio? Beyonce sings 'And go drink (...) with the boys. Why ban the word beer? It sure as hell doesn't make me want to go out immediately and grab a Carlsberg. Heck, ban rootbeer! Rename it rootdrink or rootjuice or whatever, it has the word beer in it!

beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer


Monday, March 2, 2009

I like Jewel better in her first album, the very first one when I probably didn't even have pubic hair when it was released. She was so fresh, natural, even now as I listen to songs from then I can feel it. What happened to her?
I been reading Stephen King's novels like crazy (ayuh), re-reading books I read an easy 10 years ago, and reading the ones I was too shit scared to read. And honestly, they still scare me shitless. It's funny, things that scared me when I was young, like giving a speech in front of people, making formal telephone calls, I grew out of those fears. Things that scare me now, stuff like firecrackers, balloons, getting bitten by a dog or getting mauled by a cat, they didn't scare me as a kid. Fact, the only things that scared me as a kid were ghosts, monsters, and my sister.
I was just praising my computer for being so fast and it goes on and fucks up on me, lagging like a Pentium 2.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Malaysian polishits

"Meanwhile, Umno Youth deputy chief Khairy Jamaluddin has warned that there is “real, explosive anger” among members against Karpal Singh."

Explosive? C4? Oh dear. Altantuya Singh. Very real indeed.

“So, Karpal shouldn’t hide behind his parliamentary privilege. I challenge him to repeat the statement outside Parliament to us and show us proof,” he said.

I challenge Ahmad Ismail to repeat his pendatang statement outside in the public and show us proof.

During the commotion, Fong shouted: “Where is security? Where is security?” and a reply was heard: “We only jaga (look after) inside (Parliament), not outside.”

Buta gaji & pilih kasih punya security. Time to hire some gurkhas.

BACKBENCHERS Club chairman Datuk Seri Tiong King Sing said the confrontation and scuffle in the Parliament compound should never have happened.

Hi, you do know that some people can do absolutely no wrong, yes?

Speaking to reporters after officiating at the D-8 Minister's Meeting on Food Security here, Najib also denied Barisan Nasional (BN) had offered millions of Ringgit to the two PR assemblymen in Perak to defect.
"They will be prosecuted if they make false reports ... or if their statutory declarations are abused, they will be charged as well," he said.

(The Sun)

Aiyoyo! I better stop here. Opinions are not very welcome in this country.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I feel really lethargic today, I guess I get like this whenever the weather is really hot. Today was really, unbearably hot. Besides the weather condition, I also had quite a busy day at work as well as a busy night going here and there settling some errands. It's 11.15pm and I feel insanely tired. This makes me wonder how Larry does it, how he comes over every other night all the way from the mainland to visit me and drive back after a day at the site walking about in the hot sun. I really appreciate him doing this for me, because if I were to drive across the bridge and back home 5 levels up the carpark I'd be a really grumpy bitch at the end of it all. Yet he is patient, as always.
Babeh I love you.
Everyone may puke their guts out now.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end,choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you...

1. I just had a confounding, sinking, feeling that I don't know who I really am.

You know those people who hit their hazard lights everytime it rains heavily on the roads? I've always wondered which idiot taught these people to do that, because hazard lights should only be used if the car is stationary. It's dangerous to turn on your hazard lights in heavy rain, no one can predict which way you're gonna go!
So anyways, this morning it was raining as I drove to work, when it was finally revealed to me how these people got the idea that heavy rain + driving = hazard light on. I drove past a little white kancil that belonged to 'Friendly' driving school, with the student and instructor inside, and guess what? The hazard light was on.
omfg. The blind leading the blind, yo! And I wondered how come there are so many idiotic drivers around, who jump queues, go really, really slow on the fast lane, turn on their hazard lights whilst driving in the heavy rain, etc... Someone should really crack down on these driving schools, because they're producing some really bad drivers!

Friday, February 6, 2009

I recently looked at my cousin's Facebook pictures taken with her friends. I think she's 14, or 15, I can't remember. Either one. Some of her friends were wearing heavy make-up, suggestively push-up bras, little little dresses, coloured contact lenses, posing with pouty lips and whatnot.
When I was 14, I thought over-sized T-shirts were uber cool. Jeans and sneakers. Heels were to be laughed at ('Aiyoh so aunty la'). Make-up was for weddings and, well, pretty much just weddings. Push-up bras? You mean I had breasts back then??
Little dresses were for barbie dolls, and coloured contact lenses were too expensive. Taking pictures meant something back then, coz you had to watch out how much film you had left. Now you can just delete those boobie shots (don't mind the pun) from your digital cam and snap a new picture. So as I was saying, when we took pictures back then, we had to pay attenshun. All smiles and stuff. Photoshop pun takde, tau?
Conclusion: When I was 14, I had crap taste in fashun, I was clueless about the existence of my own tits (at least there's some now), and I was cool, okay. Being sexy can start at 16. Make-up can start at 23. And you don't really need push-up bras, kids. Look at Kate Moss. Being titty-less is OK.
But hey, it's your generation after all. Go crazy.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Err... Rape Me?

I've been seeing this flying about FB for some time now, so let me have a second go at it (I've done this before a few years back).

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

Learnt My Lesson Well by Kaiser Chiefs

Wipe Out by Beach Boys

Funky Town by Blondie

Bengawan Solo (wtf does that mean?) by unknown

Razorblade by The Strokes

1,000 Oceans by Tori Amos

Give It Away by RHCP

#8 WHAT IS 2+2?
The Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars

Ripcord by Radiohead

Nasty Girl by Nelly (HAHAHAHAHA)

Nobody Knows by Babyface. Woh. I swear to god it was on shuffle.

Angkor Wat Theme no. 1

Sunspots by NIN (yes please)

Fight Like A Brave by RHCP (Yeahhhh)

Rewind by Paolo Nutini (awww)

Everytime I Close My Eyes by Babyface. OK what's with the Babyface songs? It's embarrasing!

Wild Thing by Jimi Hendrix. Oh yeah baby I'm thinkin aboutchu.

The Hardest Part by Coldplay. Nice.

So Beautiful by Simply Red

Tui Huo by Jay Chou. I guess Jay Chou makes me laugh.

Up and Down by Vengaboys. rotflmao

The Greatest View by Silverchair

Fairy Tale by Michael Wong. Wow. I guess I should book the next opening at a nunnery then.

Ai De Jiu Shi Ni by Lee Hom

Hyperpower by NIN

It's Too Late by Carole King. Funny.

Dazed and Confused by Led Zeppelin. been dazed and confused for so long it's not truuuue!

Back for Good by Take That. Since when did I have Take That??

Rape Me by Nirvana. I almost fucking choked. Holy crap, my iTunes has got a mind of it's own!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

My grandmother passed away last weekend, she was the dearest old lady in the world who would have been content just by watching you enjoy her cooking.
Because of the close date to Chinese New Year, only a pathetic handful of relatives came to the wake. The other relatives who would visit us during CNY, who came to eat her food every year, who complimented her skills in the kitchen and had plate after plate of rice, never showed.
Makan time, don't pantang. Mati time, pantang sial.
Well, I very pantang these relatives now. Sometimes, you say FUCK YOU to some traditions and show up to pay your respects as members of the family. Fucking useless.
But you know what? My grandma would have just said nevermind-lah, it's tradition-mah, cannot be angry at them, they are just following rules.
I feel sorry for a lot of relatives (especially the closest ones) who never knew her love, who never had the chance to spend time with her and listen to her sound advice. You missed out on a helluva woman.
And to those relatives who never showed up at the wake or funeral because they pantang, I understand it's Chinese superstition, but fuck you anyways.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I shall from now on call men and women with humongous eyes goldfishes.

bulub bulub
Let me tell you about getting a tattoo. It fucking hurts.
I got my first tattoo ten days ago. Prior to that, everyone said, no-lah, it doesn't hurt-lah. Little did I know that I was being deceived.
It hurt like someone was trying to scratch your skin out over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
I suppose that my pain threshold is quite low. There was another guy getting this big ass intricate tattoo on his arm and he looked like there was nothing to it, happily reading lau foo choo comic (the one with the tall guy, the spectacled guy and the short, fat guy).
Not painful wan, nothing wan.
Don't believe it! It really, really hurts!
But it's so pretty, it's worth the damn pain =]

Monday, January 19, 2009

living around a dying person, you have to tiptoe up the stairs, around the house. you have to feign ignorance at the person's suffering, try not to cry and instead put her in a corner of your mind. you have to bear the weary and disgruntled faces of relatives who visit, try to be of comfort and help when you can. you have to try to outrun the memories of the person when she was well, because they hurt so much when you see her in this state.
most of all, you have to bear the thought that there is a dying person sleeping in the room underneath yours, and there is nothing you can do to alleviate the person's pain.

Not all happy

Meanwhile, some Tanjung Bungah residents are appealing to the Chief Minister to reconsider his decision to make Penang a wireless state.
Housewife Grace Ang, 51, said she is not against such technology but she is against it blanketing the whole state.
“The technology is good but schools, playgrounds, residential areas and hospitals should be spared as we do not know of its side effects.
“Penangites should be given the choice to decide whether they want it or not,” she said during a forum with other residents at the Tanjung Bungah market, also on Sunday.
Ang said a Tanjung Bungah Anti-Wireless State Committee will soon be formed to to educate the residents about the issue through talks and campaigns.

Eh, bodoh. Most hospitals now are wifi zones lah. Schools SHOULD have wifi in the first place. Scared playground and residential areas got wifi? Why? Scared your son download porn? Don't worry lah auntie, connection too slow to download lah. Who the fuck is gonna bring their fucking laptop to the playground in the first place? For fuck's sake! And you should worry more about the radiation or what-the-fuck-ever it is that's coming from your shiny microwave which you willingly bought if that's the issue. Penangites should be given a choice to decide whether we want to live around dungus like these. I should start a Penang Anti-Jackasses State Committee. People are bringing good technology to your bloody doorstep and you *manyswearwords* want to protest. I want to petition to deport these *swearwords* to Singapore.