I've always wanted to write a sort of comeback against Beyonce's 'If I were a boy.' Don't get me wrong, the song has a nice tune and I won't switch the station if it plays on the radio, but I think that the lyrics are a bit unfair on both sexes.

If I were a boy even just for a day >> I'd try to jerk off and see how it feels
I'd roll out of bed in the morning >> Morning wood, woohoo!
And throw on what I wanted >> Yep it's something you don't have to be a boy to do
And go drink beer with the guys >> You seriously don't have to be a boy to go out drinking with the guys and talk about women, cars and football

And chase after girls >> Girls chase after boys too...
I'd kick it with who I wanted >> Of course we kick it with who we want
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause they stick up for me >> Nothing better than your girlfriends sticking up for you to the point of grabbing your phone and sending a nasty text to the jilted but persistent guy

If I were a boy >> I'd try to pee standing
I think I could understand >> Not all boys are beyond any capability of understanding, I guess...
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man >> I don't really get this?

I'd listen to her >> Unless I'm deaf, of course I'd listen! I listen when he nags too!
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted >> I think it hurts both sexes equally
'Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy >> I'd walk around in boxers to air my dangling bits
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they'd think that I was sleeping alone >> Now hey, it's really not just boys who do these kinda scoundrel things

I'd put myself first >> A lot of people put themselves first anyhow
And make the rules as I go
'Cause I know that she'd be faithful
Waiting for me to come home, to come home >> C'mon... this isn't the previous century anymore where women sat at home waiting for their unfaithful, selfish husbands. I don't think women sit around and wait anymore.

If I were a boy >> I'd like to know what a blowjob feels like
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man >> Eh same lines, same goes for the omitted verse

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong >> A lot of women don't get second chances either...

But you're just a boy >> And I still want my blowjob.
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man >> You see, if a guy loves a girl, he loves her in his own way. Same goes for the sort of lovin' a woman gives a man; she loves him in her own way. And although we are a coupla billion people in the world, we are still individuals to a certain point, and we have our own ways of loving those around us. Unless you want to date yourself, nobody's gonna love you the way you love yourself. So what is she trying to say when she sings 'And you don't understand oh how it feels to love a girl'?

Do you know that they banned 'beer' on national radio? Beyonce sings 'And go drink (...) with the boys. Why ban the word beer? It sure as hell doesn't make me want to go out immediately and grab a Carlsberg. Heck, ban rootbeer! Rename it rootdrink or rootjuice or whatever, it has the word beer in it!

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Pah.