Thursday, April 30, 2009

I did something I never done before today. I was washing my bird cage when one of the birds got stuck on the bottom grid. This has happened before, somehow the bird fell in between the grid and the tray. However, this time was different. It was stuck fast on the grid.
See, its nails, or mini-talons were long and curling, somewhat like a yogi's. I never knew this could happen with birds. When it flew to a grid to perch, its mini-talons would get stuck because they curled like hooks. So, I took the bird in my hand, used a plastic bag as a glove, hollered for my mom to bring me a nailcutter, and began cutting my bird's mini-talons.
It's just a tiny bird, and I was really afraid to crush it to death. So afraid till my hand was shaking, holding this little shivering burst of feathers in my palm.
Said bird is A-okay now. It can perch on the grid and not get stuck anymore. I feel so much closer to it after that bonding session. Sigh.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I don't know how far the saying is true, that every girl fantasizes about her own wedding, but I have thought of mine since I was a teenager. At first it started out as a huge, drunk affair, and over the years, it became more simplified.
I want a simple wedding, not gaudy. I've always wanted the groom to 'surprise' me by singing a song for me, but looking at the circumstances, it doesn't seem so viable anymore. I want a simple, romantic wedding. Not everything has to be classy, and neither ought it be gaudy. I know that I'm not a very romantic person, because romance can be tres cheesy. I've had poems written to me before, and they were forgettable (the only memorable one was the one where an ex called me his poison), flowers are nice but they tend to die, I don't snack on chocolates much, and the only things that I absolutely love about romance are the rocks, because they are extremely practical.
So yeah, for my wedding, for once, I want it to be romantic. Under a full moon, a simple dress (without those godawful frills so like a clown), champagne glasses clinking, dancing to Aquellos Ojos Verdes. It makes me smirk out of the absolute corniness, but that's my dream wedding.

Did I mention that my dream groom is Rob 'God' Pattinson?

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Why cleavages are exciting:

It reminds you that there are two round, nice, life-nurturing breasts are attached to it down south.

Why legs are exciting:

It reminds you that there is a nice, warm, life-giving vagina attached to it up north.

Why butts are exciting:

They're round and cushiony, and they provide you with an area to spank.

Why butt cracks are not exciting at all, and are in fact disgusting as hell:

They look like cleavages with mucho wrinkles and stretch marks, and are attached to the anus where shit (nasty stuff) comes out from. It is usually a bit discoloured, and sometimes hairy on men. Although it is attached to the nice, round butt, butt cracks are butt cracks and they are hideous to look at.

This post comes from after seeing a guy bend over at McDonald's. His shorts were almost halfway down and everyone had a first class view of his magnificent wrinkly discoloured probably shit stained butt crack for at least 3 minutes. When he sat down, his shorts were still almost halfway down and therefore his awful, god awful buttcrack was still visible.

Ugh. I mean, seriously, ugh. Nightmore, some? Butt cracks do NOT have the same effect as the cleavage! A bit is still too much!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

A business proposal

Toy boy clubs for the rich and jaded

TOY boys are the new craze in Singapore nightclubs, Sin Chew Daily and China Press reported.
The newspapers reported yesterday that rich men’s wives did not mind paying the toy boys RM3,500 each to spend an evening with them.
If the women want to bring the boys out for supper, they will be charged RM350 an hour.
A regular patron, Madam Wang, 42, said she had to visit the toy boy clubs daily, failing which she would feel uneasy.
Admitting that her family would break up if her businessman husband found out about her “hobby”, Madam Wang said she could not keep herself away from the clubs.
When met by reporters at a club, Madam Wang was with a Thai toy boy.
She said: “He makes me feel young, something which my husband fails to do.”
Checks with several toy boys found that they also offer sexual services if asked by the women.
A popular toy boy may earn about RM4,600 a night, said one of them.

What say you? A nice quiet area in Tanjung Bungah overlooking the sea would be the perfect business location. Open to franchising in KL as well. Julia mama-san. Hmm... has a nice ring to it.
Come and invest in the House of Nightflowers! We have white, yellow, brown, black, any shade under the sun!

Monday, April 13, 2009

I'm quite a chicken - I never play zombie games or scary shooting games, but last weekend I decided to test my boundaries and went and played this game:

at a cybercafe. What ensued was a sleepless night. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw zombies chasing after me. I'll stick to my boring strategy games for now.

Friday, April 3, 2009

I went to Jusco just now with the intention of buying sport shoes. Since sales assistant was nowhere to be seen, I went and asked another sales assistant standing nearby if she could get my size. She said that the sales assistant in charge went for his lunch break and wouldn't be back for another 40 mins, and because she wasn't in charge of the particular shoe brand, she didn't know anything about how to get the shoes I wanted from the store.
How the fuck is it so difficult to find a pair of shoes from the store? You look at the ID tag on the shoe, you look at the sizes available that ought the be stated on a sticker on the sole, you go to the section of the store that holds so-and-so shoes, and you search for it, godammit! It doesn't take a specialist or a genius, for fuck's sake!
This means that when the sales assistant goes for his lunch/dinner/shit breaks, the entire section that he's in charge of goes into sleep mode. You can't fucking buy anything from there till the sales assistant gets back. How bloody efficient is that? Let's say he's on leave for a week. How?
To the Jusco boss: some of your workers are being paid to be stupid nincompoops, and they're blaming it on your system.
How many times have you walked into a store, asked for a size, and without even bothering to check or even look at what you're showing her, the sales assistant tells you, "Oh this one sold out." An even worse answer you could get: "Donno."
They should just hire Indonesians or Bangladeshis, because our local workers can be just so damn clueless and unwilling to do anything about it.